Yes, Adult Friendships are Hard — But So Worth the Effort
Let’s face it — adult friendships are hard.
As a young child, the concept of friendship seemed so simple. You’d run to the playground, spot someone with the same lunchbox or who loved the same games, and just like that, you had found yourself a new best friend!
But for us adults? Well, somewhere along the journey from carefree childhood to responsible adulting, the act of making and nurturing friendships got a bit more complicated.
Why Adult Friendships Are Hard
So why is the seemingly simple act of making and maintaining friendships so much harder as an adult? Well, because life just gets … busy.
Chances are, like so many other women, your days are packed. Between juggling careers, raising kids, maintaining long-term relationships, and caring for aging parents — finding time for friendships often falls to the bottom of the priority list. When you barely have time to eat lunch some days, it’s hard to carve out extra time to catch up with a friend. Now, every get-together must be scheduled well in advance, often requiring multiple rounds of “What about the third Thursday of October?” in order to finally secure a meetup.
Long gone are the days when you could spend hours hanging out with friends, doing whatever you pleased. Whether you were binge-watching TV shows or venturing out on spontaneous adventures, those carefree days are a distant memory. Now, even your hobbies are rushed, squeezed between everything else on your never-ending to-do list.
And, of course, let’s not forget the inevitable byproduct of passing time — people change. As you grow older, your interests, values, and aspirations will evolve. The person you were once inseparable from may have moved to a different city or is now busy raising a family. Sometimes, you realize you just don’t have as much in common anymore. It’s natural, but it doesn’t make it any easier. There’s a grief that comes with losing touch over time, even when there’s no big falling out.
The Importance of Adult Friendships
Fostering friendships throughout your life is so important. As a young child or an independent adult, you rely on these relationships to feel grounded and connected. And the older you get, the more you can benefit from these close bonds to help you navigate the joys and challenges of the world.
Yes, adult friendships are hard to maintain because the dynamics of adult life are more difficult — but as with all things in life, the best things don’t come easy.
Friendships provide emotional support
For starters, friendships aren’t just for the good times. These relationships serve as an emotional anchor when life gets rough. Whether it’s the stress of balancing work and family or dealing with unexpected curveballs like health scares or career uncertainties, friends help lighten that emotional load.
Research has even shown that strong friendships can reduce feelings of anxiety and depression. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve felt overwhelmed by life and found solace in a friend. Sometimes, just having a friend tell you “I’m here for you” or “You’ve got this” can make all the difference in helping you keep going.
Friendships help you grow
Beyond the emotional benefits, friendships also challenge you. They allow you to see different perspectives and explore new ideas with someone you trust, encouraging personal growth and helping you reach your full potential.
You can learn so much from your friends — about relationships, parenting, career strategies, and even small things like a new dinner recipe you never would’ve tried otherwise. Friends push you to expand your worldview, a habit we humans often forget to do as we age and become more set in our ways.
Friendships make you happy
But the best part? Simple. Friendships are meant to bring you joy.
Through your close relationships come those moments when you’re laughing so hard you can’t breathe. Those inside jokes, the shared memories of ridiculous happenings, the comfort of someone knowing your quirks without explanation — are all irreplaceable.
Life can be heavy, and having someone to share a lighthearted moment with makes it all feel a little more bearable.
How to Make (and Maintain!) Friendships as an Adult
So, how’s an overwhelmed modern woman supposed to fix this? How can you make meaningful connections and keep them alive when you’re juggling so much? By making your friendships a priority in your life.
Here are a few ways to prioritize adult friendships in your busy life.
1. Create Relationships in Your Existing Circles
Sometimes, the easiest place to start building friendships is with the people you already see regularly. Whether it’s a co-worker, a fellow parent at your kid’s school, or someone in your yoga class, building friendships in these circles can feel more organic than seeking out new people. The shared experiences in these environments give you common ground, making it easier to deepen those relationships over time.
Most of my best adult friendships started this way — people I used to see in passing but eventually got to know on a deeper level. The key is to be open to those connections and take the initiative to turn casual acquaintances into genuine friendships.
2. Join Groups or Pursue Hobbies
I know, I just said it’s nearly impossible to find time for hobbies — but that’s all the more reason to make the time for these fun extracurriculars in your packed schedule!
Finding a group that interests you, whether a book club, yoga class, or hiking group, can be a great way to meet like-minded people. Plus, you’ll have a built-in common interest to bond over! It also helps to carve out intentional time for activities that bring you joy — because, let’s face it, you can never have too much joy!
Over the years, I’ve made many great friends doing activities I enjoy. From my running buddies to my creative writing crew to my fellow inspired entrepreneurs, it’s often easy (and meaningful) to connect with someone who shares your passions.
3. Reach Out to Old Friends
How often do you scroll through your social feeds, run across an old friend, and realize you haven’t spoken to them in months (or even years)?
If you’re thinking of someone right now, text them! Shoot them an email or reach out on Facebook! Chances are they’re feeling the same way and would love to reconnect.
Old friendships have a foundation of shared experiences, so picking up where you left off is often easier than you’d think.
4. Make Time to Prioritize Relationships
Making time for friendships is, without a doubt, the hardest part. Even when you want to spend time with friends or meet new people, finding the time to do it is just plain hard. But just like any other relationship, friendships need nurturing. Whether it’s scheduling a coffee date, making a quick phone call, or even sending a funny meme via text — it all counts.
Friendship doesn’t require elaborate plans. My favorite way to stay in touch with my friends sprinkled across the country is simply via text and phone calls. Catching up on the phone while I’m prepping dinner or walking the dog. Texting a picture of something that reminded me of them, checking to see how they’re doing. These simple interactions to stay connected and support each other truly keep the friendships alive.
Friendships are Worth the Effort
I’ll be the first to admit it — adult friendships are hard. I’ve missed out on new friendships because I didn’t take the time to nurture them. I’ve lost touch with old friends I thought would be in my life forever, every text and phone call getting farther and farther apart. But in the end, every time I get the chance to connect with friends, I am so thankful to have these wonderful individuals with whom to share this journey.
Friendships are vital at every stage of life — but as adults, they require more intention and effort. It’s easy to let them fall by the wayside when life gets chaotic, but prioritizing those relationships can enrich your life in ways that nothing else can. So, yes, adult friendships are hard — but the comfort, joy, and support from meaningful friendships make all the effort more than worth it.
So what are you waiting for? Talk to that fellow mother at the soccer field. Send the text to your college roommate. Invite your colleague to join you for lunch.
Your friends — past, present, and future — are waiting.
Do you find that adult friendships are hard? How do you prioritize making and maintaining friendships in your busy life? Share your insights below!
